My last post as a 'normal' person (advice, tidbits and random thoughts by Staci)

This is it y'all.

I will be getting set apart at 8 p.m,

Spending the remainder of the night quietly at home with family,

Then heading to Utah bright and early in the morning.

I'll say that I'm nervous, but I feel a cool calmness about me.

I know this is the right thing and it's right on time.

I'm forgetting about myself and my desires for 18 months and dedicating all of me to the Lord and to the people I will have the honor of spending time with. 

My parents will be posting e-mails from me onto this blog, so this isn't the last you'll hear from me.
But, since this is my last post as a 'normal' person I want to throw some things that I've learned at you.

Forgive. People are not perfect and neither are you. They may do horrible, hurtful, stupid things but you must learn to forgive. Forgiving and letting go of the negative feelings will set you free and allow you to move on with your life. As long as you hold on to the grudge you're stuck in a rut. But, realize that you can forgive someone, but that doesn't mean they have to be a part of your every day life. There are some people we just can't have in our lives. Forgive them anyway.

 Don't set your heart on the material. Who are you without all your possessions? Who would you be if you lost everything? Setting your heart on family, friends, love, service, compassion will bring you so much more happiness than any fleeting material thing could.

Look at the stars every once and a while. It will make you realize just how huge this universe is and how little your troubles really are.

Inside is more important than outside. If you're the best dressed, best hair, best whatever, but you have no heart, no love, no compassion, no realness, nobody will care. Beauty on the outside fades over time, but beauty on the inside only gets brighter.

Love yourself. Try to look your best but once you're done getting ready in the morning don't look back. Leave thoughts of your appearance behind. Instead, focus on others. Focus on smiling at people as you walk by. Focus on saying thank you. Focus on being being a good friend. When we focus so much on ourselves we see through a magnifying glass and what we view as flaws become bigger and bigger to us. If we take a step back and focus on others those flaws become less noticeable. I believe the key to loving yourself and finding happiness with who you are is by serving others. This goes back to my thoughts about 'inside is more important than outside'. If you constantly think about your self and focusing on yourself will never be satisfied with who you are. I've come to know that when we are kind to people, smile, or try to make someone's day, we build ourselves inside which in turn shines through to the outside making us more beautiful than any makeup or clothing we could wear.

Look people in the eyes. There's an amazing thing that happens when you look people in the eyes. There's a connection. There's an understanding. For that moment you're on level ground. Do it more often.

Smile at strangers. I am amazed at how far a smile will go. It's probably one of the most contagious things on earth. People just light up when you throw a smile at them. Make both your days and smile.

Embrace change. DO IT. There are just so many better things to come. When one door closes another will always open. Don't stare too long at the closed one, because you might miss the one that has quietly opened for you.

Don't accept stress. There's really only so much you can do. Do what you can and do your best but if you get a bad grade, or your car breaks down, or you lose your job, or you get in a fight with your best friend...I promise the world will continue to go around. Instead of stressing and worrying and fretting, take control of the situation and find what the best solution is. Be proactive, not reactive.

Don't judge. Who are you to decide how a person should look, think or act? Never judge anyone because everybody has reasons for their choices. I agree that if you're too busy judging someone you have no time to love them. Try to understand rather than judge.

Dance. Any chance you get. I don't care if you're breaking it down with the waltz or you're doing it Albert Brennaman style. Get it. You'll feel a lot better I promise.

Laugh. And do it often. Laughter heals. Learn to laugh at yourself. Find humor in bad situations. Surround yourself with those who make you laugh. Watch America's Funniest Home Videos too.

There is power in positive thinking. Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. There is always room to be positive. Believe that there's good. Believe in yourself. It makes life so much better when you have a positive outlook.

Be nice. Who likes a rude person?

Let it go. Now. Do not waste another day or ounce of energy on it.

Find your passion. This world needs those who do what they love and love what they do. Whether you want to be a rock star or a heart surgeon. Go after your passion. Commit to your dreams. Don't stop.

Exercise. There are so many other ways to exercise than going to the gym. Get up. Get out. Get moving.

Don't worry about what other people think, seriously. Don't compare yourself. We are all different. Different reasons. Different rhymes. Different seasons. Different times. Don't worry about what's going on with them. They're not you. They don't have your life.

Work hard. Nothing worth while ever ever ever comes easy. Ever. Don't be afraid to use some elbow grease.

Listen to music. I mean, really listen. Take everything in. Life would be silent and utterly colorless without music.

Be grateful. For everything. Heavenly Father gives it to you so freely. Be grateful for the breath in your lungs right now.

Serve. Your eyes will be opened. You'll get more out of it than you could ever imagine.

Be patient. Heavenly Father has His own time. He knows what He's doing and He's got it under control.

Be yourself. You will never be anyone else. There will never be another you. Embrace who you are. Love who you are. Leave your mark on this world by being yourself. This world needs what you have to offer.

Always love. Everyone deserves to be loved. Those who are the hardest to love are sometimes those that need it most. You can't control how people will treat you, but you can control how you treat them. Treat them with love. Never let a day go by without telling people that you love them by word or deed. Love breaks barriers and heals wounds. It's infectious and spreads like wild fire as we each show each other love and kindness.

Stand up for yourself. I do not believe in being rude. There are ways to tactfully and respectfully stand up for yourself. Being kind does not mean being a doormat.

It's all going to be okay. Perspective is key. Don't get too caught up in the emotion of the moment. Don't react with anger. Don't freak out if your hair won't lay right. Don't think you're a complete failure if you failed a test, or a class. Don't lose yourself in the loss of a person. Bad things happen, okay? But, the sun will rise another day. The world will continue to spin. I'm not trying to down play any bad thing that may happen. I'm just trying to say that it's all going to be okay. As we face challenges and fears we grow so much stronger. Don't shrink. Stand up to the obstacle and take on the opportunity to learn from it.

This life is amazing.
All I feel in my heart right now is gratitude for everything that I have.
I'm so excited to be on my mission finally.
The next time you'll hear from me on here will be from the mission field!
God bless.
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What I'm grateful for in 2011

• Caffeine. Although I love and hate you all at the same time, you really did stick by my side when I needed you most. 
• Break from school. Since I knew I would leaving for my mission about this time of year I decided to skip school this fall semester. Greatest decision of my life. Now, getting back into it when I return from my mission will be the trick.
• New friends. There have been a couple special people come into my life and I'm forever grateful for the adventures we've shared and the things they taught me.
• Loss. I feel like I've lost a lot this past year between just life happening and preparation for my mission. I promise there's zero bitterness or resentment in that statement. I've grown stronger because of it all. 
• Family. Wow, this is a big one. I'll just say, 'nuff said.
• Music. How quiet and boring life would be without music. It's always been a huge part of my heart and still is and will continue to be. I think I'll miss it the most when I'm on my mission - sorry family, but at least I get to write you once a week.
• Riverside, California. You people don't even know what's coming ;). I can't even begin to express my gratitude for the opportunity to serve a mission. It's been one of the hardest decisions to make and stick to, but it's been so worth it. I've changed so much for the better. I know I'll absolutely fall in love with the mission once I'm out there. I can't wait for what's ahead. 
• Dogs. Well, probably animals in general. I'm so glad I was able to work with dogs. Some days I thought I would go insane, but the dogs made my day every day. I love em!
• Love. Love heals and I'm so grateful for the love I've received from so many people. 
• Sister missionaries. I've been able to work with the BEST sister missionaries in my ward. I love them to pieces and I've learned so much from them. I can't wait to write them while I'm out serving my mission. 
• Food. I just gotta throw that one in there. 
• Finding my major. After much pondering and searching I discovered my true passion and I finally came to a decision on what to major in. Graphic Design with a minor in Photography. 
• Showers. For some reason I've really come to love a nice warm shower. 
• Running. My 'me-time'. I just love running. I'm looking forward to doing a lot of races when I get back from my mission.
• Change. Whether it's changes in our lives or in ourselves; I'm grateful that I'm not in the same place or the same person. 
• Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I would not be who I am, where I am or what I am without them. My love and gratitude cannot be put into words. 
• Quotes. I've always loved quotes. They keep  me going and constantly inspire me.
• New camera. I just bought a new camera yesterday. We're already best friends. 
• My best friend in the whole entire world visiting me. She was a breath of fresh air and just what I needed.
• My talents. That sounds weird. But, I'm grateful for being able to discover more of who I am and what I'm capable of doing. 
• Going for drives. One day I was driving alone with the window down and one of my favorite songs playing and I thought to myself, it's moments like these that mean the most. I couldn't help but smile.
•  Sleep. OH MY GOSH.
• Nice people. I love a person who will smile and say hi for absolutely no reason other than they're just a nice person. 
• Laughing. Along with love, I also believe laughing heals. I'm grateful for those who keep me laughing and I'm grateful for my ability to crack myself up. It's great. 

I've got a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. There's probably a million and one more things I could add to that list but that's all I can think of right now. I've come to appreciate the smallest, weirdest and most random things but I'm truly grateful for all that I've experienced in 2011 and the people who have been with me along the ride.

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In Spirit of Thanksgiving

My Farewell Talk

This is my farewell talk that I gave on November 20, 2011.
Thank you to all who listened and all who came to my open house after.
Your support means more than you'll ever know!
I'm grateful for the people I have in my life.

I just want to start by saying that I haven’t always wanted to serve a mission. I didn’t dream about it when I was a young girl and worked towards it my whole life. That’s not how it went down. It’s only been the past year or so that I’ve contemplated and decided to serve a mission. 

I was asked to use one of President Monson’s talks in last month’s Ensign as a reference for my talk. His talked is called, Precious Promises of The Book of Mormon.

One of the promises that he lists is peace. In the Topical Guide next to peace it says: contentment and comfort. Peace, contentment and comfort are what I want to focus on right now.

Let me go back to the time when I first started thinking about going on a mission. It was towards the end of the summer in 2010. Certain things and changes had happened that left me feeling very lost, very lonely, and very confused with what to do with myself. I’ve had my fair share of these emotions throughout my life before and each time they would show up I would turn away from my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The world will offer you anything you want but it’s always fleeting. It’s always hollow.

This time I decided to try something different. I got out my scriptures each day and I studied them. I would get on my knees and pray sincerely to my Heavenly Father. I began to change my mind set a little towards more spiritual things. Over the weeks I began to feel something that I wasn’t really used to feeling. I felt peace. I felt happy. Because of this I desired to share this precious gift with others. I began to look up different talks about missions and I thought then that I wanted to serve one. I still had a little hesitation though because I had over a year before I would be 21 and able to serve and so much could happen so I didn’t want to make my final decision yet.

Satan saw this hesitation and wasted no time throwing the distractions at me. I began to lose that peace I had felt. Things got a little confusing again with different life decisions and paths. I’ll spare you all the details and I’ll just say that it was this past March that it finally felt right in my heart that I should serve a mission.

The months between when I first started thinking about serving a mission and the time in March when I got my answer I am so grateful for. I would not be who I am today with those wonderful, horrible, beautiful months and the lessons I learned during them. It was in those months that I truly came to know my brother and my savior Jesus Christ. I came to know of the power of his atonement and how because he suffered everything for us we can be healed. I came to know His mercy and his love. I felt it washing over me healing all my hurt and cleansing me and making me a new person. I was forever changed.

 I think some of the most beautiful lessons in life are learned through great hurt. I’ve come to view trials with much gratitude. To me, it’s then that we see life at its best. We see the workings of our Heavenly Father refining us and preparing us to meet Him. Through those trials I witnessed the promise of peace from The Book of Mormon.  As I obeyed my Heavenly Father and read His word I found peace. I found comfort. I found contentment. In the midst of my trials certain verses would bring me the answers and the peace I needed.

In President Monson’s talk he mentions an experience he had. He said, “Many years ago I stood at the bedside of a young father as he hovered between life and death. His distraught wife and their two children stood nearby. He took my hand in his and, with a pleading look, said, “Bishop, I know I am about to die. Tell me what happens to my spirit when I do.” I offered a silent prayer for heavenly guidance and noticed on his bedside table a copy of the triple combination. I reached for the book and fanned the pages. Suddenly I discovered that I had, with no effort on my part, stopped at the 40th chapter of Alma in the Book of Mormon”…he continues, “I next saw the wife and children at the funeral. I think back to that night when a young man pleaded for truth and, from the Book of Mormon, heard the answer to his question.”

From those verses he spoke words that brought comfort to that young father and his family. I have had a similar experience. A few months ago I found myself on my bed with tears streaming down my face. I was feeling very inadequate and insecure about myself and my ability to serve a mission. I, like the young man, looked towards my Heavenly Father and with a pleading look asked; why is this so hard. If I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing why is it so hard. Help me out. I decided to write about it on my blog and I had a scripture in mind that I wanted to use, but as I grabbed my scriptures they fell open to 1 Nephi 20:10, “For behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. “ I, also, like the young man, pleaded for truth and from The Book of Mormon received my answer. From that verse I drew comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father had chosen me and called me to the work as a missionary and through those trials I was being refined more into who He needed me to be.

From March until now I have continued to witness some of the promises of The Book of Mormon that President Monson mentioned in his talk. I believe that the things I experienced in the months before March were necessary and preparation for what was coming. My faith had grown and my trust in Christ had grown.

One of the other promises he mentioned is an added measure of the spirit. As I’ve continued to read The Book of Mormon and pray and do all those kinds of things I have noticed a tremendous added measure of the spirit in my life. This has been such a blessing for me. In 2 Nephi 32:2 it says, “Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” Finally deciding to go on a mission was a tough decision. But as I feasted upon the words of Christ and called upon Him through prayer I knew what I was to do through the spirit. And it wasn’t just my decision to serve there’s been different situations as I’ve prepared that I wasn’t sure what to do but having that added measure of the spirit helped guide me and figure out what was right.

Also, as I’ve had to make changes and adjustments for my mission the spirit has helped me see things more clearly. There’s a scripture in Jacob 4:13 half way through it says, “For the spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are and of things as they really will be.” There have been many things that I’ve had to let go of in my process of preparing for a mission. As I prayed to my Heavenly Father to feel the spirit more and to see things clearly the spirit showed me people and things as they really were and as they really will be. It made it easier to let things go when I could see more clearly and have a better understanding that those just weren’t good things to have in my life, or they just weren’t necessary anymore. Not everything I had to let go of was bad. It just wasn’t necessary anymore.

Having an added measure of the spirit has helped me view the world and people differently. It’s helped me treat people with more love and patience. There is a scripture in Mosiah 4 that I love that relates to this. It says:   
“And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—

But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

 For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?

            And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a remission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his Spirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with joy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy.

And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.”

            As I’ve prepared for my mission I’ve prayed to develop charity and compassion for those around me and having an added measure of the spirit has made a difference. Instead of judging others based on what they’ve done in their past I see them for what they can become. Looking at my own self as I was in the past and where I am today I wish for everyone to rise to their potential and see their worth in the eyes of their Heavenly Father.

The last promise I want to talk about that President Monson mentions is the promise of incomprehensible joy to those who become instrument[s] in the hands of God. I remember a time when I was a teenager and I asked my dad for a blessing and I can’t remember what exactly it said but it said something along the lines of if I obeyed  Heavenly Father or did his will that I would experience joy like I never had before. Later that night I was reading in my scriptures and I read in Helaman 5 and I read verses 40-47 and those verses hit me so hard. And to set this up for you: Helaman’s sons Nephi and Lehi have been teaching among the Lamenites and at one point they get thrown into prison and the Lamenites try to kill them but Nephi and Lehi are circled about with fire but are not burned and the people have a dark cloud come over them and a voice comes and calls them to repentence and there’s a man named Aminadab and he was actually born a Nephite but had dissented from them and the Lamenite people ask him what all this means and these next verses are what touched me. They say:

“And it came to pass that the Lamanites said unto him: What shall we do, that this cloud of darkness may be removed from overshadowing us?

             And Aminadab said unto them: You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have faith in Christ, who was taught unto you by Alma, and Amulek, and Zeezrom; and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you.

And it came to pass that they all did begin to cry unto the voice of him who had shaken the earth; yea, they did cry even until the cloud of darkness was dispersed.

And it came to pass that when they cast their eyes about, and saw that the cloud of darkness was dispersed from overshadowing them, behold, they saw that they were encircled about, yea every soul, by a pillar of fire.

And Nephi and Lehi were in the midst of them; yea, they were encircled about; yea, they were as if in the midst of a flaming fire, yet it did harm them not, neither did it take hold upon the walls of the prison; and they were filled with that joy which is unspeakable and full of glory.

And behold, the Holy Spirit of God did come down from heaven, and did enter into their hearts, and they were filled as if with fire, and they could speak forth marvelous words.

And it came to pass that there came a voice unto them, yea, a pleasant voice, as if it were a whisper, saying: Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world.”

For very long time in my life I had my own cloud of darkness overshadowing me. I would search and plead and try to find something to lift it and to remove it but nothing would work. It wasn’t until I repented and came unto Christ that the cloud was removed from me and I was filled with that joy which is unspeakable and full of glory. I’ve felt my heart filled with fire. I’ve had whispers say to me, “peace, peace be unto you because of your faith in my Well Beloved…” I had a change of heart as the Lamenite people did. And because of it I have chosen to become an instrument in the hands of God. Granted, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies and joy all the time, I don’t think we’re ever promised that, but I have felt that joy and I look forward to feeling it even more as I teach the people in Riverside, California.

I am grateful for the opportunity and privilege to serve a mission. I am scared to death but I’m excited and look forward to all that I will experience and the people I will get to meet. The pull of the world is strong. It really is. As I’ve prepared for my mission I’ve battled with my old self almost every day; old way of thinking; and old way of dealing with things. Temptation lies everywhere. I’ve come to know there is definitely an opposing force out there. Satan is real. But what I’ve also come to know is that Heavenly Father is real. Jesus Christ is real. They are there. They love us. I’ve felt them weep beside when I’ve wept and embraced me when I’ve smiled.

And really, that’s what it’s all about to me. Through the confusion and chaos and clutter of the world, there is joy to be found. There is happiness here. There is peace. We can grow confidence in ourselves as we draw closer to our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon. I know it is the word of God. I know the Bible to be the word of God as well. The two combined make a complete Gospel. I know this to be the church of Christ restored on the Earth. The peace I’ve felt and the comfort I’ve found have made it to where I could never deny it. There’s some verses in 2 Nephi 33 that I want to close with. I read it the other night and it hit me hard and I feel like I can relate to it in a general sense but also as a missionary. It says:

“But behold, there are many that harden their hearts against the Holy Spirit, that it hath no place in them; wherefore, they cast many things away which are written and esteem them as things of naught.

But I, Nephi, have written what I have written, and I esteem it as of great worth, and especially unto my people. For I pray continually for them by day, and mine eyes water my pillow by night, because of them; and I cry unto my God in faith, and I know that he will hear my cry.

And I know that the Lord God will consecrate my prayers for the gain of my people. And the words which I have written in weakness will be made strong unto them; for it persuadeth them to do good; it maketh known unto them of their fathers; and it speaketh of Jesus, and persuadeth them to believe in him, and to endure to the end, which is life eternal.

And it speaketh harshly against sin, according to the plainness of the truth; wherefore, no man will be angry at the words which I have written save he shall be of the spirit of the devil.

I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell.

I have charity for my people, and great faith in Christ that I shall meet many souls spotless at his judgment-seat.

…all ye ends of the earth, hearken unto these words and believe in Christ; and if ye believe not in these words believe in Christ. And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, and he hath given them unto me; and they teach all men that they should do good.

And if they are not the words of Christ, judge ye—for Christ will show unto you, with power and great glory, that they are his words, at the last day; and you and I shall stand face to face before his bar; and ye shall know that I have been commanded of him to write these things, notwithstanding my weakness.

And I pray the Father in the name of Christ that many of us, if not all, may be saved in his kingdom at that great and last day.”

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

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My life the next three weeks

• Friday is my last day working with the dogs. I'm going to miss those wild things.
• Thanksgiving weekend will be spent in Branson, Missouri. I'M SO EXCITED!
• December 1st we're heading to Utah to visit family out there before I leave.
• December 7th I will walk through the doors of the MTC!!

It's an odd feeling wanting everything to slow down and speed up at the same time.

I'm really starting to learn to not take a single second for granted. 

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Thanksgiving Daily

My Shame Shame & One Month

I feel like I'm forgetting something, and that I should be doing something else...

So until I remember what it is; here we are.

My best friend in the whole entire world came to see me for six whole days last week.

I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

We shared some much needed laughs, and good conversations.

We may or may not have filmed some crazy dance videos.

You'll never know.

Halloween has come and gone like a blur.

My 21st birthday has come and gone like a blur.

It's all going by so fast, but at this point I am grateful for that.

I'm ready to be on my mission.

Whether or not I'm actually prepared for it, I don't know, but I'm ready to move on and do something greater than anything I've done before.

One month from today I will be walking through the doors of the MTC.

As the doors close I will be closing a chapter in my life I feel is complete.

My mission will start a new one.

Possibly the greatest chapter because it will set the tone for the rest of my life.

It will change my way of thinking and viewing of the world.

People say that I'm going to change so much while I'm away.

Some like that idea, to others it seems a little scary.

Either way, they're right.

I will change so much.

I will always be me at my core, but I will become such a better me.

And I'm looking forward to it. 

We have a good time ;).

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Onward, Ever Onward

WHEW!

This past week was intense.

Like, if I make it out of here and on my mission alive it will be a miracle.

Once again I just have to say how grateful I am to be serving a mission.

It keeps me in check like nobody's business.

Through everything I've come out with a greater understanding of faith and how much Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ truly love each and every one of us.

One day the sky seemed to be falling and my old self would have just been like, I don't even care, Heavenly Father doesn't care, whatever.

But instead I caught myself saying, I know He's there, I don't really know where right now, but I know He's there and this is all going to come out okay.

I was surprised and grateful that I've changed and my faith has grown so much that I can just keep holding on when things get a little crazy.

Also, I've talked about this on here before but I truly believe that Heavenly Father sends people to us to fill in the holes that others leave behind.

Recently I've been blessed with people who have changed me and helped me see more of who I am. 

This has manifested to me how much He loves me and watches over me.

This reminds me to always show kindness to those around us because we may be filling in a hole for someone.

Some days are better than others. Sometimes I feel so claustrophobic and so tied back. I feel like I can't do anything because "I'm preparing for a mission". But I always try to quickly correct that thought process and remind myself of why I chose to do this. I think of all the lives that will be blessed by this service. I also remember that there is an opposing force who would love nothing more than for me to decide to not go. I tell that opposing force to shutup. I'm grateful for the quiet moments when I sit and ponder about my mission and a smile comes across my face. 

Missions are insane, people.

I love it so much already and I'm not even out there yet!

I seriously needed this to become the person who I need to be.

There have been outward changes, but there's been so many inward changes for the better that I can't wait to see who I'm going to be once it's all over.

It's been so tough, man, so tough. But it's been so incredibly worth it.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Wow, I'm really bad about updating this thing these days.

Friday was my mommy's BIRFday!!

I was blessed with a very special mom.

I think she and I have a lot on common.

From stories that I've heard about her past I kinda get an idea that I am similar to what she used to be like.

We're both pretty stubborn.

We're both headstrong.

We're both independent minded.

We're both not afraid to say what's on our mind.

We're both extremely loving.

We're both forgiving.

We're both weird.

We're both artsy.

We're both tender hearted.

It was her who taught me to break up saltine crackers in chicken noodle soup.

It was her taught me how to clean a house.

It was her who taught me how to garden.

It was her who taught me how to paint my nails.

It was her who taught me fashion and how to put an outfit together.

It was her who instilled in me a love for walks and drives.

It was her who taught me not to take any crap from anyone.

It was her who gave me the obsession to have people let me know when they get home so I know they're safe.

It was her who would let me stay home from school every once in a while just to take a break.

It was her who would sit at the end of my bed listening to me as I sobbed through a story.

It was her who ever so firmly corrected my behavior when I wasn't going down the right track.

It was her who time and time again told me of my worth.

It was her who gave me a free spirit and desire to get out and see things.

It was her who opened my eyes to the little things and learn to cherish them.

It was her who kept me grounded.

It was her who I feared when I had made a bad decision because I knew that she could tell something was wrong.

It was her who giggled with me when she found out any boys that I had kissed.

It was her who encouraged me to always pray and read my scriptures.

It was her who let me know that serving a mission was an option for my life.

It was her who screamed with joy when my mission call arrived.

It's her who still continues to support me and love me. She has been there through all the many stupid mistakes I've made over the years. She never threw down a judgmental hand but instead she listened and guided. I'm so grateful for this woman in my life. I know I don't always show the gratitude and love I have in my heart for her, but it's there. I love you mom! I won't here for your 50th birthday next year and I'm so sad that I'll miss all the festivities of that. I'll send you something though, you better believe it!
(my dad was there through all those moments I just spoke of too, but this post isn't about him ;))

Moments That Matter Most

• Driving by myself with the window down and the music up
• Eating grilled cheese sandwiches and watching Harry Potter with two of my best girl friends
• Having mission chats with the sister missionaries 
• One of my best guy friends texting me and asking, "Has anyone told you how beautiful you are today?" and then continuing to say, "...You're absolutely gorgeous."
• Laying in my parent's bed watching t.v
• Seeing my list of "to-do's" get smaller and smaller
• Sitting around my grandparent's table eating Sunday dinner
• My mom rubbing my back
• My sister and I play fighting 
• Watching the sunset across the fields by my house as I run
• Laughing with those I love
• Quiet moments alone when I feel fear in my heart about my mission and then a reassuring voice tells me this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing and everything is going to be okay 

moments that matter most

You Are Enough

Okay, so...

The past few weeks I've been struggling with feeling inadequate and totally unprepared for my mission.
I only have nine weeks!

I've heard those feelings are normal though.

But, it's really been bugging me and I've been pondering a lot about it.

Wondering if I'm where I need to be spiritually, wondering if I know the Gospel as well as I should, wondering whether I have a strong testimony, wondering whether I'll be a good missionary.

I think those are legitimate concerns and check points. 

But it's really taken away from the excitement and joy that I could be experiencing right now.

The other day I had a revelation that I am enough.

The people in Riverside, California need ME.

They need Staci Emery.

I shouldn't try to change myself so much to fit who I think I need to be and completely lose who I am.

They need who I am.

This past weekend during General Conference a couple talks mentioned things to bring with you on your mission and they listed: a testimony, a desire to serve, a love for others, being worthy of the spirit and being ready to work. 

I really appreciated those talks because I've just felt like I needed to do all these different things and read all this different stuff to be ready when really I just need a testimony and a desire to serve. That's what it comes down to.

I know that this is a sacred calling and as such there's a reason that Staci Emery was called to serve in Riverside, California. There's somebody somewhere in my mission that needs my experience, my perspective, my love, my humor, my testimony.

I strive to be who Heavenly Father needs me to be. He has and will continue to refine me and make me better. And I will take my mission seriously and make sure I stay worthy of the spirit, but my personality and what I have to offer is what is needed in Riverside. I'm weird, I'm goofy, I laugh a lot and find humor in the smallest things, I listen well, I'm compassionate, I'm sensitive to other's feelings, I'm quick to forgive and let go, I'm kind, I'm super easy going.

All this applies not only to a mission, but just life in general.

Although I think it's good to strive to be better and to do better; I don't think it's necessary to put unneeded pressure on yourself and to beat yourself up because you don't meet some idea that you've daydreamed in your head.

The world will always tell you that you're not good enough.

They'll tell you that you need to change this and change that, and be this and be that.

You might even tell yourself that.

Be who you are.
Don't compare yourself to other people. Don't worry about what's going on with them. Focus on who Heavenly Father needs you to be. He has blessed you with experiences throughout your whole life that have shaped you. Allow Him to refine you and make you who you are.

This is something that I've been learning a lot lately and it's something I feel very passionate about.

Embrace who you are and leave your mark by being yourself.

You are enough.

I'm Feeling Sickly, So Here's An Update Post

I'm not feeling well.

It started Monday night.

I had a little scratch in my throat, then when I woke up Tuesday morning it was more than just a little scratch.

I had the aches, headache, dizziness, sore throat. The whole nine yards.

My aches aren't as bad today, but my throat is still very much alive.

To prevent myself from getting really sick I took it super easy yesterday and I'm doing the same today.

Other things have taken priority over writing on here and I realized I haven't updated this thing for a couple weeks so I thought this might be a good opportunity.

Walk To End Alzheimer's:

I have had two family members suffer from Alzheimer's so my sister, my Mema and I decided to participate in this event.

I love doing this.

I've done a couple 5K's as well and it always gives you such a great feeling.

It's great knowing I'm getting out and getting involved with my city.

State Fair: 

One of my pictures received an 'Honorable Mention' ribbon! I wasn't expecting anything so that was pretty exciting. 

My sister got second place in the casserole competition! That was way cool.

I went with my family one night and a friend another night.

I love the state fair. I love the rides. I love the food. I love the booths and events. I love all the people.

It's so much fun every time.

Getting closer:

So...I have ten weeks until I enter the MTC.

My heart races every time I look at a calender.

It's coming so fast! 

I really don't know what to say about it.

I'm just a jumble of emotions.

One minute I'm way super excited, the next I'm petrified.

I'm sure that's pretty normal though.

I'm really trying to prepare the best I can.

It's hard some days.

I was talking to one of the sister missionaries in my ward about it the other day.

I was telling her that it's weird knowing that I'll be on my mission soon, but I'm still here at home.... it's hard to explain, but she knew exactly what I was talking about.

My parent's and I have started studying together to help me out a little bit.

I try not to focus so much on my fears about it though.

I know that Heavenly Father will give me the courage I need.

I instead, try to focus on the incredible blessing this is going to be.

I'm going to grow and change so much during those eighteen months.

I have a lot checked off my list, but I still have quite a few things to get taken care of.

These next ten weeks are going to go by in a blink of an eye.

Next thing I know, I'll be sitting in the MTC.

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Song of the Day:

Good Life by OneRepublic

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via pinterest

State Fair Photography Competition

These are the shots I entered:

Keep an eye out for 'em ;)

To-Do List

• Get shots: booster of DPT, Flu and Meningitis
• Buy brown pair of good mission walking shoes, multiple flats, and a pair of rain boots.
• Trim hair (just a little tiny itty bit.)
• Buy sturdy luggage
• Finish reading Old and New Testament, and The Book of Mormon
• Thoroughly study Preach My Gospel
• Get new retainer
• Buy extras of all personal items: toothpaste, shampoo, soap, lotion, makeup, etc
• Help Mema sew summer skirts, buy brown skirt and one more black skirt

Other items include: my best friend Jamie coming to visit, turning the big 2-1, spending Thanksgiving in Branson Missouri, packing my whole life into two suitcases, being set apart as a missionary and then heading out to Utah to visit family and enter the MTC on December 7th.

Les' do it!

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Happy Friday Eve!