Sister Dibb and Chinese

OK so, a few months ago I thought love was MESSED UP.

I couldn't be with the one I was madly in lust...err, I mean love with, because of certain circumstances.

And the other one who I saw great potential in lives in another state and I felt in my heart I needed to serve a mission, so we couldn't be together either. 

I was like, what the heck? 

I became what my mom called a 'feminist nightmare.'

I had in my head that I would serve my mission, come home and finish school, travel around, maybe go teach English in Korea like I had thought I would earlier this year and just wait and see what happens.

I had no plans of meeting anyone.

No interest in getting married.

I like kids, and I want kids, but with no spouse, that wouldn't really happen.

Unless I got a baby mama.

But, let's not get crazy.

I've always been very independent minded and just can soooooo not be controlled.

I'm like a wild animal.

Beautiful from a distance and will circle around and come close if I feel comfortable enough to choose to do so, but the moment you reach out to grab me, I'm gone. 

So, in the past I've had a hard time grasping the idea of being a 'stay at home mom'.

The image that comes to mind is, knitting the thirtieth quilt that week and cleaning the house in my mom jeans then getting in my mini van to go grocery shop. 

No.

No, thank you.
I'm not hatin', I'm just saying.

So, I'm going to school to get my degree so I can work!

Career woman yeaaa!

Well, being the religion that I am, I'm constantly reminded of what my true role is as a woman versus what the world has made the 'woman'.

I was very much consumed with the world 'woman' and rolled my eyes at the true woman.

I kind of know why I thought that way, but at the same time I have no idea.

It was just the way I viewed things.

Last night, I had the opportunity to see Sister Dibb speak at the stake center in Norman.

She spoke of women and motherhood.

She talked about how we can be better mothers and prepare our children and what our role is as a woman and mother.

I really enjoyed it.

You see, as I have prepared for my mission and my heart has been softened I understand more of who I am as a daughter of God. 

I have certain divine attributes that make me who I am, the way I am.

I don't fight those anymore.

I allow the compassion and nurture and love and 'homemaking' skills show.

These days I am so crazy excited to be married to the best man on the planet and share our love with the twelve most incredible kids on the block. Maybe not twelve....

I truly hope that our financial situation allows me to stay at home.

I can't wait to hang out with my kids every day and create with them and go on adventures and allow their talents and skills to develop and grow.
I can't wait to share my passion for music with them and build in them a love and appreciation for art and music.

I can't wait to build memories and start traditions.
Although, I still plan on finishing my Bachelors degree once I get back from my mission, I feel as though it will only benefit me as a mother.
With Graphic Design I get to create and imagine and sharing that with my kids will be such a blessing.
I hope/plan to be self-employed most of the time so that will be a blessing as well.

As Sister Dibb said, I will be a 'guardian of virtue.'

She quoted Julie Beck who said for women to be 'lionesses at the gate.'

One of the reasons I'm so excited to serve a mission is because I know it will help me be a better example and mother in my home.

I look forward to teaching my kids Gospel truth and watching them discover their own testimonies of it.

I look forward to reading the scriptures and kneeling down to pray with them.

I expect my life to be nothing less of extraordinary.

I hope to wake up every day and be grateful for what I have and to make sure my kids and my husband know they are loved and appreciated.
I'm glad I had the opportunity to hear her speak.
It only confirmed everything I've been thinking about and looking forward to.
It makes me that much more excited about it all.
But there will no mom jeans or mini vans in sight for this lil mama.

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Song of the Day

Chinese by Lily Allen.
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove l o v e LOVE this song.