This Gospel is true.
Let me tell you a story.....
I'll start about two seconds ago.
I was about to start this post and I had a scripture I wanted to start it with.
My scriptures fell open to1 Nephi 20:10 and it was highlighted,
"For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."
Let me back up about ten seconds before that.
I'm sitting on my bed with tears streaming down my face because I just had yet another disappointment.
A friend of mine who has become inactive since joining the church gave me some disappointing news.
That verse was not the one I was looking for but it was what I needed to read at that moment.
Okay now let me back up about three days to Wednesday night.
I come home from my mission prep class and walk into my parent's bedroom where my dad is ironing.
I break down right there.
My mom wasn't in the room at the time so my poor dad is standing there, iron in hand, eyes wide open with me with tears streaming down my face.
I say, "I feel so worthless every time I leave that class!"
I explained how every time I leave my mission prep class it makes me feel so unprepared for my mission.
I know I have a testimony of this Gospel.
I have a strong desire to serve.
But when it's put right in front of my face like in that class it's really intimidating to me.
My dad made a comparison of when you first walk into a chemistry class they don't expect you to be a chemist.
Same with mission prep.
We shared some other thoughts and I felt a lot better when I went to sleep.
Well, ever since that night I have been fighting a war.
I have had this heavy, unhappy, overwhelming feeling around me.
I know where it's coming from.
I know who is placing these doubts in my mind.
I know who is haunting me with past mistakes, filling my heart with regret.
I know who is trying to plant the seed of insecurity and selfishness.
What else I know is who believes in me.
I know who through I can do all things.
I know who gives me daily breath.
I know who suffered and died for me so that I can be redeemed of my sins and past mistakes.
I know who can fill in the empty spaces others leave behind.
I have been given this opportunity to serve.
Like the scripture, "For behold, I have refined thee. I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction."
I know I have been chosen to serve a mission.
I have felt it in my heart.
Events that have led up to me deciding to serve show me more and more how this is the path I am to take at this time.
If Heavenly Father didn't think I could do it, He wouldn't have called me to the work.
Each day He is refining me more and more so I can better feed His sheep.
I am so humbled and grateful that He has entrusted me with this.
During General Conference Paul V. Johnson said,
“The furnace of affliction helps purify even the very best of Saints by burning away the dross in their lives and leaving behind pure gold…A pattern in the scriptures and in life shows that many times the darkest, most dangerous tests immediately precede remarkable events and tremendous growth…Many times a particular challenge helps prepare us for something vitally important…”
I am not perfect. I have quite a bit of refining left to do.
But one of the reasons why I am so grateful and so excited about serving a mission is the refining that will take place.
The dross in my life will be burned away.
I know I will face many trials these next few months as my time gets closer.
But like what Paul V. Johnson said, these particular challenges will help prepare me for something vitally important.
For me right now, that means my mission.
Another thing he said is (along the lines of) "We cannot resent the things that help us put on the divine nature..."
A few years ago I would have sunk into despair and cried why me with the challenges I'm facing.
But now I say bring it on.
It only motivates me to be proactive. Take action.
We are that we may "act for [ourselves] and not to be acted upon." 2 Nephi 2:26
We have our agency to decide how to react to life's bumps and swerves.
We can either turn away from Christ and become bitter.
Or we can choose to taste the sweet and allow ourselves the chance to grow and be turned to gold.
"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things..." 2 Nephi 2:11.
So, if there is to be opposition in all things I think it would be better endured with a positive attitude.
These past few days have shaken me and called me to greater action and purpose.
Another scripture in 2 Nephi 4:26-30 says,
O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions. Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
This is one of my favorite scriptures.
I think to myself, yea, why should I yield to sin because of my flesh? Why should my heart weep because of my afflictions?
I have seen the work of Heavenly Father in my life.
Me going on a mission is proof of that.
He works in mysterious ways and what we think of as awful trials are sometimes blessings.
We may be headed down a path that isn't quite where we should be.
It doesn't always have to be a bad path, it's just not the right one.
To change our course sometimes trials are passed our way.
I know I have experienced this course correction multiple times even from a year ago.
Before I thought of a mission I was planning on getting married.
I was with the one I thought I was going to spend the rest of eternity with.
That wasn't where I was supposed to be.
Through painful, painful challenges and trials and lessons I am where I am today.
And I am grateful.
I think I can say I would not change a thing.
My heart has been softened and I have been thrown into the depths of humility and faith.
But I really learned how to trust Heavenly Father.
I learned how to endure with patience.
I learned that He does hear our prayers.
He does answer them.
It's not always when we think we need it or with what we think we want but he answers them when He knows we need it and with what He wants.
I have learned to be grateful that He is in charge and not me.
I know trials are not going to stop.
We came here to progress so that is what we should expect to be doing.
Trials may not get easier but enduring through them will.
I told my parents when we were talking Wednesday night that missionary work is not for sissy's.
I told my friend this same thing and he said, "It may be for sissy's but it turns those sissy's into strong people."
I think life is not for sissy's.
There are some crazy tough things out there.
I am so grateful for my faith and my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.
I wouldn't make without them.
MAN
I have never had that experience of my scriptures just flipping open to some verse I needed to read at that time.
That just makes my testimony grow even more.
This Gospel is true.
I know it is.
I could never deny it.